Cold
by othrox324
Summary: Sequel to Sober. Nate's thoughts on Tess dumping him.


**Author's Note:** So I was told that I should write a sequel telling Nate's feelings. So here it is. The song is "Cold" by Crossfade. Please read & review. Enjoy :)

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

Nate heard the other line go dead. Tess had just hung up on him. She never hung up on him. He was the one that hung up on her. She told him it was over and hung up just like he'd done when he broke up with her. Except that this time he was the one getting dumped. Nate had never been dumped before. 'What could I have possibly done wrong?' he thought. He had given Tess everything. He took her to dinner, bought her nice things, and he gave her sex. Isn't that what a relationship was all about? Except that they weren't really dating. Well, Tess might have thought they were, but Nate just saw her as his plaything. Harsh, maybe but that's how he works.

_**Looking back at me I see  
That I never really got it right  
I never stopped to think of you  
I'm always wrapped up in  
Things I cannot win  
You are the antidote that gets me by  
Something strong  
Like a drug that gets me high**_

Nate suddenly felt uncomfortable. Tess had told him that she loved him and he said it back, but the difference was that while she meant it he just wanted to get her in bed. He didn't mean it did he? No of course not he just said it. However, now that he realized that he and Tess were over he didn't feel so good anymore. Nate thought about it for a few minutes. 'I couldn't have loved Tess could I?' He always felt sort of happy when she was around. But he never got that butterfly feeling that he's heard about. So of course he didn't love Tess. He'd never loved anyone. Well, except for his family, but that's different.

_**What I really meant to say  
Is I'm sorry for the way I am  
I never meant to be so cold**_

Nate picked up the phone and dialed Tess' number. It rang once. Twice. Three times. Then one more and he heard Tess' voice on the other line. "Hey this is Tess. Leave a message and I'll call you back." Nate hung up the phone. He tried again. No answer. Nate started becoming frustrated. He threw the cell phone across the room. Why wouldn't she answer his calls? He had to talk to her. He had to work things out. Their whatever-you-call-it couldn't be over. 'Maybe I do love her,' Nate thought. He punched the wall in fury. He couldn't love Tess because she wanted nothing to do with him. Even if he apologized she wouldn't believe because he'd done that once before and just ended up hurting her again. Now they couldn't be together and it was his entire fault. He'd ruined everything.

_**To you I'm sorry about all the lies  
Maybe in a different light  
You could see me stand on my own again  
Cause now I can see  
You were the antidote that got me by  
Something strong like a drug that got me high**_

Now Nate understood it. He did love Tess. He'd loved her all along, but he was just hiding his feelings. Maybe he didn't want to get hurt, but by protecting himself he'd hurt Tess. Why was he such a moron? Why didn't he see it before? Why didn't he just treat her better? He knew that she loved him. Why didn't he tell her the truth?

_**I never really wanted you to see  
The screwed up side of me that I keep  
Locked inside of me so deep  
It always seems to get to me  
I never really wanted you to go  
So many things you should have known  
I guess for me there's just no hope  
I never meant to be so cold**_

He knew why he didn't tell her. It was because he'd been hurt before. Everyone left him. No one cared about him. His mom had left him and his dad when he was only ten. Then his dad became an alcoholic and starting beating Nate. Then he fell in love with a girl at his school. They went out for a few months, but she was cheating on him. So Nate started hating his life. He blamed all of his problems on himself. Nobody wanted him because he was worthless. He didn't deserve to be alive. He started cutting himself, but eventually he just did it. He took a few painkillers. Forty of them actually. He just hated his life. Then he ended up in an asylum. It was horrible there. He swore he'd never try anything stupid like that again because he never wanted to end up back in that place. Then he became popular, and he made friends. Every girl at school wanted to date him, and they did. He dated all of them. Why have one girl when you can have them all? That was his philosophy. So he never had a real relationship except for with his first girlfriend. That was why he never treated Tess the way she deserved. He never told her any of these things about his life. He never told anyone. No one needed to know.

So maybe that was why Nate was so cold. He had been raised that way. He grew up in a cold environment. He was neglected, beaten, betrayed, and broken. Therefore, he became the neglecter, the beater, the betrayer, and the breaker. It was better that way. If he was the one doing the hurting, then he would never be the one getting hurt. Until now that is when he lost the girl he loved because of his lies. He never thought he'd lose her. That was never his intentions.

_**I never meant to be so cold**_


End file.
